Friday, January 28, 2011

Chapter 3 of Flawed





Here is the third chapter of Flawed! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!! I really need some feedback so I can improve my story! That will help it will be successful on Inkpop!



If you haven't read the Prologue, Chapter 1, or Chapter 2, follow this link- http://the828.blogspot.com/p/flawed.html



Chapter 3.




I pranced through the huge doors of Rexford High School the next morning very nervous. My new sand colored Bailey Button Uggs went well with my Burberry scarf, dark blue skinny jeans, and my Hollister dark red V-neck shirt. I may have looked confident, but I sure didn’t feel it.

I wasn’t so sure that Charlotte, Leanne, and Madeline would take my amazing news so well. I hoped they wouldn’t be pissed at me for switching schools.

I walked down the large white halls and found my locker. I tried not to make eye contact with the three girls as they approached.

“Hey, Dakota,” chimed Charlotte Vendetta, wearing a Victoria’s Secret PINK brand hoodie and ripped skinny jeans. Charlotte was the ruler of the school. Every single girl envied her and every boy wanted to date her. She ruled with fear. Many people hated her for that, but she didn’t care. I was so surprised the first day I came to Rexford that she actually talked to me.



We stood in the front of the biology room waiting for Mr. Hemp to give us our seats. I didn’t know anyone here yet, but I hoped I’d be paired with someone nice.

“Okay, in this table we have Charlotte Vendetta and Dakota Wright. Congratulations, you are now lab partners,” said the teacher humorously, like that was a good thing.

I’d heard about Charlotte within the first few minutes that I arrived at Rexford. All I knew was that she was pretty and evil, so it wasn’t good to get on her bad side. You were just asking for humiliation and embarrassment the rest of your school days if you did.

We both walked over casually to our seats and sat down silently, not making eye contact. I glanced down to see her carrying a Gucci back pack. It was adorable and looked expensive. I was just carrying my Louis Vuitton purse I had gotten right before school started. I figured I’d compliment her bag, girls like her loved compliments.

“I love your bag,” I said suddenly, pointing down to the backpack on the floor, “It’s so cute, Gucci is awesome.”

She glanced over at me. Her amber eyes scanned me over, and then she began to nod a little to herself, as if saying “Alright, you’re actually cool enough for me to speak to.”

Nerves washed through me as I waited for her to respond. I didn’t want to get on her bad side.

“Thanks,” she replied, flipping her curly blonde hair off of her shoulders. Her hair was gold and shiny with no flaws what so ever. “I got it right before school started, you know, new year, new fashions.”
“Yeah I get what you mean, I hate people who don’t follow trends and stay fashionable. I just got this purse before school started, I heard Louis Vuitton is very in this season,” I answered, hoping she agreed with me.

“I know, I heard that too! It’s ah-dorable! And ohmygawd, your shirt, is that Juicy?”

"Yep!” I said proudly, looking down at the new dark blue blouse my mother bought me from Juicy Couture.
“It’s super cute, and I heard their sweat suits are making a comeback!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, we should go shopping there together sometime, you’re really awesome. Why haven’t I seen you around Rexford before?” asked Charlotte. I was so surprised that she actually liked me.

“Oh, I was home schooled until now. My mom finally let me come to regular school.”
“Wow, home schooled until eighth grade, that must have sucked,” she said sympathetically.
“Yeah, it was awful.”
“Well dear, you’re at Rexford now and you have a new BFF!”
“Who?”
“Me, silly!” giggled Charlotte.


On that day I began to love coming to school. Shortly after that she introduced me to Leanne Breyer and Madeline Kenna, her two BFF’s, which then became mine as well.

“Hey girls,” I answered back, still getting books from my locker.

“Dakota, Charlotte said you were crying last night, what’s wrong?” asked Madeline. Her hazel matched with her flowing green blouse, and her perfectly straight auburn hair lay by her cheeks.

“Just family issues,” I answered. It wasn’t a total lie.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s cool, so I heard we have a new victim?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Ooh, yes we do! Girls, gossip position!” declared Charlotte as we huddled together. We always did this when we were sharing secrets about each other or other people.

“Okay, our new lucky victim is Jennifer Ashton. Jennifer decided it would be cool to buy a lot of the same outfits as me and then deny that she even knew I had them. Then she took Leanne’s seat next to Adam Fisher and refused to move, and you know how much Leanne is into Adam!” giggled Charlotte, and then we laughed too, except for Leanne who was clearly embarrassed.

Her chocolate eyes stared angrily at Charlotte and her straight dirty blonde hair dangled off her shoulders. Leanne looked stunning as usual, wearing a purple cardigan along with a pair of skinny jeans like the rest of us. Those were our favorite clothing item.

“Then she spilled milk on Madeline’s Coach purse at lunch and said it was an “accident”,” added Charlotte, using air quotes around the word accident.

“Has she done anything to you that we don’t know about, Dakota? It’s always better if we have a ton of reasons for choosing our victims,” she asked.

I tried to think back to anything Jennifer Ashton could have ever possibly done to me. I couldn’t even recall me ever talking to her. This was going to make me feel even worse when we were done with her.

I always felt sorry for people who had to face our wrath. But I told myself if I didn’t want to have to face it from Charlotte, to keep my mouth shut.
“No, I don’t think so, but I bet she’s planning to,” I said.

“Okay. Well here’s the plan in case one of you guys forgot. Step 1; friend her, make her feel like she’s loved by us and get her to start sitting at our table. Step 2; find out all her deepest and darkest secrets. And finally step 3; spill her secrets to the school and embarrass her, then she’s finished. Any questions?” explained Charlotte confidently as if it were so simple.
“Charlotte, we all know the plan, you didn’t have to explain it again,” said Leanne, crossing her arms.

“I know, it just gets me pumped up when I do! We’re going to show this bitch who she’s messing with,” declared Charlotte with her head held high.

I felt great pity for the girls we punished; most of them didn’t deserve it. But, they should have seen it coming. When anyone tried to be better than Charlotte in any way shape or form, she was bound to get her revenge. Charlotte lived for payback, but Leanne, Madeline and I just went with whatever she wanted so we weren’t the ones who she wanted payback towards.

“Alright ladies, at lunch, we go in for the kill,” stated Charlotte. You could almost see evil glowing in her amber eyes.

Jennifer may have hated us, but as soon as we ask her to hang out with us, she wouldn’t be able to resist. No one could refuse a seat next to Charlotte Vendetta and her fabulous friends, it was impossible.

If the Flawless Four liked you, then you were instantly popular. Too bad we never really “liked” anyone for more than a week, and they usually ran away from the school in tears.

I was the only exception when I was added into the group. But Leanne and Madeline weren’t too pleased about it at first.



It was the first time they invited me to one of their monthly sleepovers/ shopping trips. I was so excited I felt like jumping for joy. I was now truly one of them.

I arrived at Charlotte’s huge mansion and headed up to her bedroom. The door was cracked but I could hear their voices inside, they were talking about me. I stood quietly next to the door and listened carefully.

“Charlotte, I like Dakota and everything, but since when do we actually let people in our clique?” asked Madeline.
“Yeah, she’s cool but is she cool enough? I thought it would always be just us three,” said Leanne.

An ache arose in my chest to the thought that I might not actually be “in.”

“Girls, Dakota deserves to be one of us. She is definitely cool and pretty enough. Plus, with four of us we will be even more powerful. We can be the Flawless Four, I’ve been dying to use that name for our clique!” explained Charlotte.

I felt amazing that the great Charlotte Vendetta actually thought I was cool and attractive enough to be one of them. It was so shocking I almost thought I’d imagined it.

“Then if she’s in, she needs a bracelet,” noted Leanne.
“Don’t worry, I have one for her.”


Later that night they presented me with a silver charm bracelet that symbolized our friendship. All the charms on it were identical to the ones on theirs. A crown, music note, heart, flower, a piece of a puzzle that fit with theirs and a shopping bag dangled from the bracelets. We all still wore them wrapped around our wrists today.


I just hoped we could still be the Flawless Four after I left Rexford, but I knew inside my heart that it would never be the same.

3 comments:

brookie. said...

This is AWESOME! I'm officially addicted! Hmm..but maybe add more to each scene..I sorta felt like everything was happening to fast. That's all I have! Awesome job!

brookie. said...

Sorry my comment was sort of confusing!
I'm just gonna re-critique it!
1) I really liked the flow. It was easy to get in to
2) you did an awesome job of Dakota. I really felt like I was in her world, and I could actually imagine her in each scene
3) when I said the story was moving to fast,I didn't mean it with the entire chapter, I said it wrong, oops :/ I just meant to say I wanted to see more of how Dakota and Charlotte met. I don't know, if she is evil, then why would she allow Dakota in the group? Did Dakota have to do something to get in? Or did Charlotte just really like her?
This is truly a great story. Once its on inkpop, I'm soooooo picking it ! Great job!

Paige said...

Thanks brookie, I'll def take your advice! you're awesome :)