Monday, March 12, 2012

I can still see you.

If you are between the ages of 12 and 18, I'd read this post. Well, anyone can read it, I encourage you all to, but it's mainly directed at that age group.

Hello.
My name is Paige.
I'm a sixteen year old girl who goes to public school.
This is my junior year.
And honestly, I am sick of this.

Sick of what, Paige?


Well, little voice of my readers, I'm sick of teenage girls. I mean really, teenagers in general.
I just can't take it anymore.
Walking through those halls, I just want to scream.
What are you guys doing?
I mean, what are we doing? I can't really criticize, because I do it sometimes too.

Oh my gosh you still haven't told us. 

You guys probably think I'm crazy.
And guess what?
I. Don't. Care.
I'm just done caring. I'm tired of hiding. I'm over covering up the randomness inside of myself. And you know what I noticed? A lot of people aren't willing to do that.


I mean, why do we care so much about impressing people? We as people are obsessed with getting other people's approval. What is the big deal? True, I try to impress people, but not to the extent that some people do.
They change themselves.
Completely. 
What. Are. You. Doing?!


If this person didn't like you before, why do you think they're going to like you if you change yourself?
You are still you.
Here is an example-
There's this girl I think is completely annoying.
I've never liked her.
Even if she changed her hair, face, clothing style, and body, she'd still be HER. And, I still wouldn't like her.
And, why should she have to change for me to like her? Why am I so special? 
I'm not.
No one is.
Not everyone is going to like you, and even though it is extremely difficult, we have to accept that.
I'm still working on accepting that...

You'll always be under there, no matter how much you try to hide. 
I've realized that a lot lately.

Especially when a girl likes a boy. 

"OMG MAYBE IF I CHANGED MY TASTE IN MUSIC, CLOTHING, HAIR COLOR, WEIGHT, THE WAY I SMILE AND LAUGH, THE BOOKS I READ, THE MAKEUP I WEAR, THE TV SHOWS I WATCH, AND DO EVERYTHING THE SAME AS THE GIRL HE SUPPOSEDLY LIKES, MAYBE HE WILL LIKE ME TOO!" 

Yeah, that's a little bit exaggerated.
But, we've all done one of those things. Tried to mold ourselves into this different person just so a boy will like us.
I've done it, multiple times. 
And now I realized, I'm such an idiot. 
Those guys didn't like me in the first place. 
What made me think that they would like me when I changed?
And if I had to change for them, were they even worth it?
A guy is supposed to like you for who you are. Truly. Same with your friends. 
Because if you change yourself, it isn't really you. It's fake.
You're fake.
Do you really want fake love? Or friendship?
Constantly having to hide your true opinions and the way you live? 
That's terrible. 
Please girls, hear me out. I'm sixteen, and I finally got my first boyfriend. And now that I have one, I see what a big deal it ISN'T. 
Yes, it was really important to me for a long time. It was like my goal.
Now I look back and I just want to punch myself in the face.
Why? Why was that my main concern in life?
I'm in high school! I don't even know what love is!
It's. Not. That. Serious.
Please girls, please don't make this your main concern. It's not worth it.
Changing yourself for a guy is not worth it. 


Comparison to others. This kills us. I compare myself to others, all the time.
Why do you think my self esteem is so low?
I need to stop. We all need to stop.
If we weren't good enough as ourselves, God would not have taken the time to create us in the first place. If I was not "worth it" I would not be here right now.
Because God would not have taken the time and energy to make me. 
He puts us on this earth for a reason, and makes you you for a reason, don't change yourself! 


If God made me, then I'm worth it. 


I'd much rather be Paige, than Paige trying to be Insert name here.
And hey, if you don't like as regular old Paige, then fine. Good. I don't need your freaking stamp of approval. 
If you don't like me as me, then whatever.
You go on and do your thing and I'll do mine.
Don't like being crazy and random like me?
Then fine, don't.
Don't freaking talk to me. I don't really care. 
I shouldn't have to change myself for you. 
Hide.
Contain the hyperness, inner nerd, randomness, craziness, and awesomeness inside of me.
If this guy doesn't like you for you, then he isn't worth it. He's not "the one."

If you find yourself afraid to do or say something around him, afraid to be judged for picked on, then he doesn't like you for you.
If you feel the need to hide, change, or cover up any part of your identity around him, then he is not worth it!
Feel too fat or skinny around him? That's not good.



Like I said before, a little over a month ago, I got my first boyfriend.
Having a boyfriend does not make me know everything, but it did make me realize a lot. 
And I want to share it with you guys.

Even in the stages of liking him, I noticed I could totally be myself around him. I was not afraid. At all.
Because he didn't judge me. He embraced it, encouraged it. 
And the fact that he actually liked me back as myself? Well that's pretty darn fantastic. 
I didn't have to change myself at all for him, and he liked me anyway. I was always totally comfortable around him.
The other guys I liked in the past?
I changed for them. I was afraid to be me.
And it never worked out.
With him, I was and am still not afraid, and this time it actually worked out.
He likes me for me, not some fake copy.
And he deals with my Paigeness every day, and he's still here.
I don't know how long this will last.
But it's taught me a lot. 
He's just as crazy as me. And I love it. I love all of his flaws, his randomness. He's like a guy version of me. It's amazing. Yeah sure, he's not the cutest guy in the school. But he's cute to me, and amazing. I'd never want him to change anything about himself. He's great the way he is.
You guys need to find someone who thinks that way about you and someone you can totally be yourself with.
If they love you, they wouldn't ask you to change.

Being with him has made me really realize how much I've been hiding my true self, and how much I love being me. 


So, the little lesson I am trying to tell you guys today is please, don't change yourself for others. If they don't like you as you, then they aren't worth your time. They aren't true bros.
I call all the people I love bro. Boy or girl. And I'm a girl.. and I still say it...
I even call my boyfriend bro.


Please people, find your true bros in life. The people who accept you for who you are. I know it's really hard. Just try, please. You are amazing as you are, and you shouldn't have to change yourself just to get a boyfriend. 
He. Will. Come. It may not be today, next week, or next year, but he will come. 
Same with friends. 


Find the friends who love you for you. And if they don't, whatever. Walk away with pride and let them know what they'll be missing.
Because there is only one you in the world.
And even though you are trying to hide..
I can still see you.
And you my friend, are amazing. 


"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities."

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12 comments:

Laura Toeniskoetter said...

Personally, can I just say, yay you?! The fact that you can totally be yourself around your boyfriend is amazing. I can honestly say, I had a problem with that when I had a boyfriend. So, kudos to you!

Megan said...

You are amazing, Paige. This is such an awesome post. *high-5's ya* Way to go. You are like, my role model now. Seriously? This is just too freaking cool. Awesome sauce.

I cannot say with words how happy this post made me. Totally inspiring, bro. :)

Selina said...

Greatest post read today! :)
I actually figured this out about two or three years ago. Just quit trying to impress everyone. You can't make everyone happy. You have to be yourself. The one God created. Thanks for sharing the awesomness!
~Selina~
P.S. I'd like for us to chat sometime. My email is spike95dancer@gmail.com

Hira said...

Wow! You go girl! Really, this is an amazing post! And it totally gets the message across. & I definitely agree with you. This is such an inspiring post! I'm going to share it with everyone I know! Thank you so much for writing it!
~Hira

Sareh said...

This post was amazing! :D I can't even begin to tell you! I decided this year to be my full self. If people don't like the fact that I like to hum randomly or dance, or that I read, live, write, and breathe books, then too bad for them.

Anyways, I agree with everything. Especially the fact that God made us for a reason and that He loves us no matter what. He loves all our quirks and odd things. :D

Once again, fantastic post!

Jessica said...

This post was so amazing. You are amazing. Seriously, you are so awesome, I love how independent/sarcastic you are.

xoxo,
Jess

Annika said...

Awesome post! You're right, everyone really should be themselves. It might take weeks, months, even years, but sooner or later someone who likes you for you will come along. Bravo, keep up the good work!

Alyianna said...

Thanks for the post Paige! You are so right that you shouldn't change yourself to just make others like you. I still have to struggle with that a lot...because...no matter how I sound online, I'm really really shy in public...so I find it hard to find friends. So thank you again!

Marisa said...

PREACH GIRL.
Loved this post.

Paige said...

@Laura- Thank you! That's the main thing I notice with anyone I am around, and with him he doesn't care! It's great haha. Thank you :)

@Megan- Thank you so much, that really means a lot that you said that <3 Thanks bro! haha :p

@Selina- Awh, thank you! I'm glad this post topped all the other amazing ones you have probably read! I wish I would have realized this earlier.. haha.
And okay! I'll shoot you an email!

@Hira- Aw, thank you Hira! That means a lot to me! I try to inspire people so I'm glad I've succeeded :D

@Sareh- Thank you! Exactly! Like I just want to be me, and if you don't like that, then don't talk to me! Haha! Thanks again :)

@Jessica- Thank you :) That means so much, I'm glad someone enjoys my sarcasm haha :p You are amazing too bro! :p

@Annika- Exacty! It took me a while to realize that, and I just want other people to realize it quicker than me! Thank you!

@allyiana- It will all turn out okay :) I'm sure soon you will find people who love you for you and your shyness! Thanks for reading! And trust me, once you find those people, you won't be shy around them haha!

@Marisa- PREACHING UP A STORM RIGHT HERE BRO, ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Thank you :) I miss you! We need to skype soon!

Converse said...

Ironic how someone posts the exact thing you need to hear :)
Thank you soooo much Paige.. You don't know how much that post mean't to me <3

Taylor Lynn said...

I absolutely agree with you, Paige! If you change who you are to get a guy, you won't be happy. That guy's not going to make you happy if you have to hide who you are to be with him. The same goes with friends.

I'm so, so happy for you, by the way, and I think it's great that you've got a boyfriend who accepts you for who you are! (He's also super cute, by the way. ;) I wish you both the best!

Great post! :D