Friday, November 4, 2011

Jealousy- an easy disease to catch

We all have the people in our lives who are good at EVERYTHING. They are attractive, they're good at everything they try, they make good grades, they can date whoever they want, and they're popular. 

There are so many girls in my school that are so beautiful, and they don't even have to try. I wish I was as lucky as them. They can come to school with no makeup on, their hair in a messy bun (which I hate), wearing sweatpants or yoga pants ,and hoodies all the time, but still look amazing and have a totally cute boyfriend and tons of friends.

The girls like that are complete bitches jerks to other people too. If you aren't in their clique, then they are so mean to you. 

Like there's this girl at my dance academy. She is totally amazing at dance and is favored by the teachers, has tons of friends and is super popular at school, looks good without even trying, and has a cute boyfriend. And, she's a jerk with her own little jerk clique.

I try not to be jealous of people, but I am somewhat of her. I'm sure she has tons of inner problems and conflicts but on the outside and for the most part, her life seems so perfect and fun. Why can't mine be like that?

I have this one girl who is actually my friend, she is perfect at school. She doesn't even try. She doesn't do any of the homework, doesn't study, misses a lot of school, and sleeps during lectures, but still gets amazing grades! I have to work my butt off to achieve what I do, and it's still lower than her.

This is what I feel like doing during school. I don't even understand half the crap we are learning, and it is making me so stressed out that I just want to rip up everything.

Like today, we had a math test. I studied, thought I understood it, then the test was extremely hard and I blanked. So, I didn't get to finish the test and my teacher wouldn't give me more time to finish on Monday. So, I failed. I was literally about to cry.

This is basically my math situation-

That's pretty much exactly how it goes. In class, the problems we do are super easy, then homework is hard, and the test is impossible.

BUT, of course the girl who can make perfect grades without even trying understands all of it. Why is it so easy for her?
The other day she called me stupid just because I didn't understand the Chemistry as quickly as she did. Uhm. I made Honor Role, I'm not that stupid. Just because something doesn't click for me right away doesn't mean I'm dumb. 

(I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm just really angry at life right now.) 

This picture seems really true. From my point of view, the sluts get the best romances. It's so annoying. I don't think the guy one is very true though, I personally like nice guys better. But hey, I'm not a guy so I don't know what they are thinking. 
I wish I could get whatever guy I wanted, that would be so wonderful. There's always those girls the guys just flock to and always want to be around. I mean, they're usually sluts and guys only want them for their body, but they're still lucky to have all the attention. They just have that personality that attracts guys. Why can't I have that? 

I just wish I could find a guy who liked me back for who I am and actually thinks I'm pretty too. Why is that so hard for me? How can those perfect girls seem to be so happy with their boyfriends that they can get so easily? 

Story of my life.
I was reading my friend Qui's blog, and she did a post where she told the first sentence of her NaNo Novel, and that sentence is, "I hate it when people say, 'Imperfect is perfect.'" 

People do say that all the time just to try and raise our confidence. But I agree with Qui, I hate it when people say that, because it's not true in most cases. Society favors perfect people, not the weird and unique ones. 

Yeah, it's important to me unique and all that, but you guys know what I mean. It just makes me angry. 
So, the overall point of this post is just that even though I try not to get jealous, I do. It's so easy to wish you had what someone else has. Or to wish you were as good as someone as something. Life isn't fair, I guess.

Yes, I know all those seemingly perfect people have problems and worries just like we all do, but they seem to have a much easier ride than me. I know this post was mostly complaining too, but hey, complaining is what I do. It's my third favorite hobby. (Behind reading and writing. Yes, I consider complaining a hobby.) 

Hopefully some of you guys can relate to this. I'm just so sick of holding in all my anger about this, so why not turn it into a post? At least one of you should be able to relate... leave me some comments, let me know I'm not alone here. 

post signature


Converse said...

I relate to this a lot, except I don't try to dress perfect, I just try to get perfect grades. Yes, I happen to be one of those girls who wears her hair in a bun (I never have worn my hair down) and wears basketball pants or yoga pants to school. Thing is though, it's only attractive on skinny girls, which if you saw me, you'd understand.

I understand jealously a lot because it literally kills me inside everyday. I wonder how suck jerks could be so flawlessly beautiful yet be so ugly on the inside... I just hate it. I also had to deal with friendship jealously and boy jealous (still am).

I'm super jealous of seeing a girl who is in the same class as me, Hang out with my former best friend who is 2 years older than me, and laughing about the same things me and that friend did.

Boy jealousy, well, how can you not be jealous when your best guy friend is stolen by some girl that he met over the summer through swimming classes, and he leaves to a different school and you regret never saying anything to him?

Paige, those people are jerk offs who don't know what you're going through. Bet if they were in your shoes they would understand. And like I've said many times before, the right guy may be right around the corner!

Converse said...

ehhh terrible grammar

Jessica said...

aw, sorry life is rough right now. i hate how some girls can look amazing without even trying -- i never think of myself as even attractive, so that's probably why it bugs me.

the thing is, one day i was really feeling like that, and out of the blue, one of my friends totally surprised me. she huffed and said, "Ugh, look at you! you look so great without even trying!"

i was really taken aback, but it taught me not to judge myself TOO harshly. yes, self-critisism is good, but you never know when someone else is jealous of you for the exact thing you think you don't have.

sorry, this was basically just a bunch of rambling. i'll sneak quietly out the back now... ;)

The Divine Writer said...

I too, had a problem like this in school. One, unfortunately, I went to a Catholic high school and I wore a uniform. So we were all pretty much the same. Two, you need not be jealous of other people, because jealousy just doesn't get you anywhere. You end up feeling bad about yourself because you don't have the things that other people have and you don't want to feel like that. You know who you are, and if you want something, you have to get out and get it.

Sometimes girls can date whomever they want and get whatever they can get because they don't have something in their lives. They might have lost a parent, or a friend, or even a dog, and they're trying to fulfill that void. You, on the other hand, have a thing that mostly everyone does not: a passion for something. And you have two passions: dance and writing. There are writers out there now who aren't even married, and they're successful and happy, so don't worry about getting a boyfriend, or someone that you think you'll marry right out of college. If you're jealous about other people who can come to school in sweatpants and still look fabulous, and have great boyfriends, first of all, don't you think that would make an amazing story? Second of all, I'd say maybe one percent of those girls are probably going to marry those boys, and probably one tenth of that are probably going to get pregnant in the next few years and have to drop out of school because they have to raise a baby, and most of those girls are going to have to do it alone.

And no, the sluts do not get the best romances. The sluts stick with their guys and put on a show, because really, the guy has had a problem with his family, and he takes it out on his girlfriend, who ends up coming into school the next day with a black eye.

See where I'm coming from?

I did not have a boyfriend in high school. I went to class, and went home and did my homework, and went to bed. Senior year I got more involved with school and regretted I did not make more friends.

You can change your personality. If you're afraid of talking to a guy that you like, invite him to a dance, or a group outing. Maybe you'll find someone that you have a lot in common with. Do you know any other writers in your school? There are some people that are called "closet" writers, who have friends that don't know that they write. Who knows? maybe one day there will be a new guy in school, and you find out that he spends all of his time in the library researching his next story.

And if you're in dire need of some more suggestions, get involved with the school paper. Or the people that write the school newsletter. Or get a couple of friends together and observe them. Ask your English teacher. Get more involved with school. Tell everyone you're doing the YWP.

There's a quote in The Ranch at Lake Aurelia that Anna's mother says to her, "Put all of your faith and trust into this, Anna. There is going to be something special in {Hot Springs} just for you. You just might be surprised."

Maybe there's something (or someone) special out there for you, Paige. I know sometimes things get frustrating, but I've learned that sometimes you just have to let things go. Print this blog entry out, scratch out your personal information or whatever, roll the paper up really tight, stick it in a balloon with helium and let it go. Believe me, you'll feel so much better. God has a lot of good things in store for you.

If you try too hard, sometimes things just don't go your way. Concentrate on you, and achieve your dreams, and please please please, you don't have to care about what other people say about you, and I've learned not to take people seriously.

Karma is one big bitch.

Anonymous said...

Eep. That sounds tough, Paige. I'm sorry you feel that way!

Obviously, I've never been to school, so I don't know firsthand what this is like. But just from reading your post, here's my thought. You ask how these girls are so popular, how they always have a cute boyfriend, etc... do you think it's because they act confident? It’s been my experience that when you’re confident, other people tend to notice. And even if you act like a jerk, if you’re confident, people still tend to pay attention to you. I used to know someone who could be nasty, but she always seemed really confident, and somehow everyone seemed to get along fine with her.

Of course, another scenerio could be that the girls you're talking about are popular because they're jerks, and everyone's afraid to be picked on next. But not everyone who's popular is a jerk, right?

I think that it's true that in many ways, society favors those who look, act, etc. a certain way. But think of it this way. If people truly didn't like unique and different people, Lady GaGa would be completely and utterly shunned. But she's not - she's one of the most popular music artists on the radio AS WELL AS one of the strangest! ;)

Keep your chin up, Paige! Don't worry about them, just focus on yourself. Things are bound to change eventually, right?