Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Best friends, do they last forever?

I mean, we all have that someone that we call our best friend in life. That person we can tell anything to, have so much fun with, have tons of inside jokes with, always count on each other. 

How we meet those friends depends. Maybe you're on the same team as them for a sport, in the same club, live near them, met them in a class, or whatever! 
Then there's the term "BFF"- Best friends forever. I've used that term so many times, overused it probably. After using it so many times, I've realized, it's so false.

I mean don't get me wrong, I've had some great BFF's. I loved them all and had so much fun. They were all there for me when I needed them and we all had some great memories. But that's all they are now. Memories.

I didn't lose them by bad, horrible fights like most people think best friendships end. One or two..yeah.. but usually not. 
I actually got in a fight with a best friend and stopped being friends with her for my next best friend. If I could take one thing back in life, it would be that.

But other than that, how do we lose friends?

Us and the world is constantly changing. Especially as teenagers. We might like something one day and hate it the next. We might suddenly want something more than anything one week and could care less the next. 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

That is such a true quote. All my friends changing has taught me to let go. My most recent best friend, we became friends in 7th grade and our friendship lasted until 10th grade. I could feel the ending coming for a while, I was just holding it off because I didn't want it to happen.

We used to be so alike and love doing the same things, and we had the same beliefs and values. 

She was the best friend I ever had too. We went through thin and a lot of thick together. She was supportive and always there for me. I could tell her anything and we always had so much fun together. We would text all day and even sometimes email and IM. It made me sad to look in my inbox and see all our old messages, I miss those days.

I could say "I miss her" But in reality, I don't.

I miss the old her. That girl I know now, that's not my best friend. She's completely changed. And, I had to let go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I'm still working on it. People saw us as "the two inseparable best friends." People would get us mixed up in our looks and personalities. Teachers would even sit us next to each other because they knew how close we were. 

A teacher from last year of mine asked me "How's your friend doing?" I could have lied and said good. But, I was too close with the teacher. I told him I honestly didn't know, and we weren't friends anymore.

It was hard to hear myself say it. 

I bet you're thinking.. "Paige, you don't have to do those things she does, you could still be friends." It was just like, her attitude totally changed too. We got in a huge fight over me trying to protect her from a jerk guy, and her thinking it's just because I don't like him. (Which is true, but that's not why I didn't want them to date) I hated seeing her get hurt so much and cry over him almost every day. It broke my heart. He wasn't worth her tears and stress.

So we had a huge fight and sorta kinda made up, she apologized and so did I. But, we both knew it would never be the same.

I know you guys don't really care so I'll continue with other things..

So, what is the point of this post exactly? The point is to let you all know no matter what you think, friendships usually don't last forever. I remember talking with her about out futures, and how we'd make our kids have play dates and we'd visit each other at work and be each other's maid of honor in our weddings. 

Yeah, not anymore.

So, don't hold onto something that doesn't exist. That's what I was doing. You need to let go, and most of the time it's for the better. If I didn't, who knows where I would be? 

I also want to tell you guys to not limit yourself to one friend, that is the mistake I made. I limited myself to her and only hanging out and getting to know her, and now I'm paying for it. 

I'd take that back too.

So, have tons of best friends! Maybe one or two of them will go in the same directions as you go in life. 

Because honestly, you wouldn't want to be in my position right now. At this age, everyone already has their friend groups and cliques. And what do I have? No one. I'm just on the outside trying to get in, with no hope of succeeding. And, it sucks. 

So, don't make the mistakes I made. Best friends don't last forever, so don't limit yourselves to them and don't hold on to something that doesn't exist. You'll just regret it.

True friends are hard to find, so really hold on to them when you do. I hope I find some TRUE friends soon. 

On a happier note...
I was chosen as Blogger of the Month over at Dancing Through Life! Thanks so much, Qui! It's such an honor! Go visit her blog and follow her everyone!

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Converse said...

I feel for you Paige. I had a Best Friend and we were exactly alike. We both we Skateboarders and gad the same everything. But then over a weasly little month, she put on make up and started caring a lot about what she looked like, and we didn't have anything in common... Sigh.

But I have my Best Friend Taylor who is two years younger than me and we have been friends for 6 years. I thought our friendship was over in December, but I decided our friendship wasn't worth losing.

Then I have my friend Majken (Munch), and I love her to death. We dont know each others secrets. But I'm pretty our friendship will last for a while :)

I sort of have a group I'm in... the nice Nerds :D

But it took me a while to become friends with them again because. WOW, it would be hard to explain.

Don't worry Paige, you may not have a group, but you can be the one who is friends with everyone.

I consider you a friend :)

alaw said...

Thank you so much for this post Paige! I wish I could write so good posts. :(

Yah, I know kinda what you mean...though it's a little different with me, since I'm a homeschooler and I don't go out much and don't have that many friends.

I had a friend named Chelsey, who used to live across the street from me. We got along well, but when she moved away, we lost touch. But it was pretty much time for us to move on anyway. We weren't really interested in the same stuff anymore.

Anonymous said...

I definitely know what you mean. Things are always changing - PEOPLE are always changing - and friendships don't stay the same. I'm sorry that such a close friendship didn't work out, and I can only imagine how much it must hurt, seeing your friend drink and smoke like that.

Though I know a lot of friendships last a long time, I also know that many don't always last forever. When I was younger, my sisters and I hung out with my cousins and two other homeschooled kids all the time. Our group of eight was inseparable. But the other homeschooling family grew away from us, and a few years ago - after being homeschooled their whole life - my cousins started going to school. We used to be the best of friends, and I really miss it sometimes, but like you said - my cousin has changed. And I don't think our friendship could ever be the same; what I miss is the friendship we had. Back when we had more in common.

One of the things I most need to work on in my life is learning how to let go. Things aren't going to last forever, and I really need to learn to accept that.

But I should probably stop rambling about me. :) This post was about YOU, after all. (Great quote by Marilyn Monroe, by the way!)

And I know this isn't the same as having friends in real life, but I consider you a good bloggy friend of mine! Maybe someday we can meet each other. :)

(PS, congrats on Blogger of the Month! :D)

Endor said...

I know what you feel.

People change and grow apart and some people need to learn that fact and ACCEPT it!

Jedi~Chick said...

I am very sorry about your friend Paige. I can relate.

First of all, boys ruin EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. I lost my best friend of five years because of a BOY. We both changed, went our separate ways, and sort of lost contact after that.

My best friend in the whole entire world for infinity and beyond is my cousin, who is practically my sister. We fight more than anyone I know, but we still love each other more than anyone else. We're super close, and we do just about everythign together. We often get jealous of each other, and often we hurt each other's feelings, without meaning to. But I know, at the end of the day, I can count on her to be there for me, no matter what.

Now I have several friends. I have at least four REALLY good friends (not counting my cousin) and they are all true friends. All these friends are from the Homeschool community. They have always been there for me, and when I was the 'new girl' in the homeschool world, all of them took me under their wings (so to speak) and made me feel welcome and loved. :) (funny thing is, one of these four/five people is the boy I lost my old best friend to! xDD) My best friend from the homeschool world is Brianna, and I we have nearly everything in common. But we are also polar opposites at the same time. She likes sports, I don't. She likes soccer, I like dance. She reads, I read and write. ;) But we still are really close, and our moms are friends.

I think some of my best friends I've never even met. My internet friends. I have my girls on Lakehouse who will always have my back, and we have just about everything EVERYTHING in common. I consider you one of my internet friends. :) If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to email. ;)

Jedi~Chick <3

Dia said...

One of my best friends... well, I cannot say that I did not know she wasn't a very good person. She was a friend and someone I thought I could trust, but when it came down to it, she was nothing but bad. She would trade me for someone better.

And it seems, that is just what she did.

Amaranthine said...

You definitely deserve the win. <3

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean. In fact the timing of your post was at such a time that I almost cried ;( But most friends don't last forever.

Shelby said...

i lost a friend last year. actually 2 only the one wasnt my "BFF" she changed MY bff into a jerk and my bestest :P friend left me for her. i was the one that apologized, although i had nothing to apologize for. she never did. and they eventually stopped being friends and now she's left with no one.

Paige said...

@Converse- Yeah, it is always so hard when they change like that :( I hope you and your friend Taylor last, and Munch!
And thank you :) <3

@Alaw- you're welcome! And, I'm sure you can!
Yeah, I've never had a friend move away but I'm sure it's really hard :(

@Taylor Lynn- It was bad, especially since I knew I was losing her to the "dark side" and she was throwing away her future by doing so.
Yeah, it's also really hard to watch Family change. I was really food friends with my one cousin too, and now she is totally different and gone to the "dark side." Your cousins going to public school probably did really change them. I know I'd be a totally different person if I was homeschooled.

You are one of my best bloggie friends! That would be so awesome if we could, maybe someday! :)

@Endor- Exactly.

@Jedi-Chick- they do ruin everything, don't they? Haha!

I am exactly like that with my cousin Bailey. She is pretty much my best friend. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with a cousin best friend haha :p
It's good you have your home school friends there too! And thanks Jedi Chick, you are a great bloggie friend! :)

@Dia- Yeah, I've been having trust issues lately. I don't know who I can trust in my life anymore when there are so many fake people in our society. I hate it.

@Thank you Amaranthine! :)

@Sophia-Aw, I'm sorry it almost made you cry but I'm glad it meant something to you! That means I'm doing my job :)

@Shelby- Yeah, sometimes I apologize even if I don't need to. It just is better if SOMEONE says it. Well, ha, serves her right! Well, no one deserves to be alone, but you know what I mean! Haha :p

Anonymous said...

Definitely, Paige. And I'd be a totally different person if I went to school! All sorts of things can play a part in how you think and act.

Devin said...

Unfortunately, I know all too well about "BFF's". Doesn't everyone? As far as best friends go, I think I would call myself pretty experienced. I've had a best friend passaway, move, back stab me, and the list goes on. I am thankful for my best friend Josie who is the first friend I really ever made when I was 2 years old. I have several other close friends through church and school, but I find comfort in knowing that I can always turn to Josie.
Unfortunately my best friend since Kindergarten passed away when we were in 7th grade from some immune system complications. I miss her and not a day passes when I don't think of her. For about a year I had to take down the pictures in my room of us because they made me cry every time I saw them. Now they're back up and I realize that our friendship will still forever exist. I find peace in knowing she is up in Heaven living it up with Jesus living a life even more amazing then would be possible for her here on Earth. I know one day we will be reunited in Heaven and I truly cannot wait for that day to come.

Ashley said...

I feel this. I had what I thought was my besty...I didn't know that her family was gossiping about mine behind our backs. It hurt to find out. I held a huge grudge against her at first, but I forgave her. It wasn't her fault that her Mother was teaching her wrong, and I was only breaking myself down. I realized, this is growing up. Sometimes, it means growing apart.

Qui said...

In all honesty, I don't agree with everything you said.
I do agree with much of it. You can't just say, "BFFS!! tHAT'S WHAT WE ARE!!!" Because that's so not true. The past three times I've moved I lost all but three or four friends. From all the times put together.

However, where I personally think you're wrong is where you basically said that "Friends Forever" doesn't exist. I beg to differ.
My best friends and I are inseparable. We have made it through me moving thousands and thousands of miles away. We never broke contact. Yea, we might go without speaking for a week, but when we do talk again it's like I never left!

I truly do believe that one day, God will put at least one person in your life who will be your best friend for the rest of your life. For my mom it was my dad. For me, it was my two best friends. Whether you meet this person when you're 2 or 40, you will meet them. And...if they're Christians you will be friends forever. :)

Squeaks said...

I just kinda found this blog while perusing some of my buddies blogs (yeah, the old click-the-link trick :P ) and as I was reading this post I felt ... really weird. As though I were almost staring at my own life in a mirror.

I too had a best friend. I'd like to call her that today, but we're only...well...barely friends. We were so close to each other, doing all kinds of things together and we got along so well.

But then...something happened. We both changed. I don't know who changed the most, but I know that she's an entirely different person from who she used to be. It hurts to see people change, but I guess it's for the better. We can't hold them back from who they're called to be. In some ways, I'm glad that the friendship ended, since there were too many fights near the end of it...but a large part of me is sad over the fact that we're not close like we used to be.

Thanks for this post!