Not giving up. I have a real problem with that I've just been down lately. I'm finding it hard to hold on to hope that things will get better.
I have a dream. A dream for my high school years anyway. This dream has been stripped away from me for two years now, and I'm friggin sick of it. I know I have the talent to achieve this dream somewhere inside me, I just need to work harder and stop getting so nervous.
I might as well just tell you guys what my dream is since I'm gunna be rambling about it anyway. I want to be a featured dancer in our school's musicals.
Want is a huge understatement. Want doesn't even come close to how badly I.... hmm what word do I use other than want??..REALLY want this. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. I think about it every single day and I've actually dreamt about it multiple times. I want to have the opportunity of dancing on stage with all my school friends for the crowd and have the satisfaction of actually being in something that huge and important. I want to preform.
I remember the day I found out I didn't make it and I had tears coming down my face in class. It was the day of our midterms and I couldn't concentrate at all. I just left the class. I was that upset. Tears are coming to my eyes thinking of this day right now. AKA- the worst day ever.
"Well, everyone wants to be in it...."
I wanted to slap her. I know for a fact no one wanted this more than me, and she acted like its no big deal.
That whole day was just like a big punch in the face. I take that back, the last two years were like a big punch in the face. People wonder why I hate school, well this is one the main reasons.
I went to see the musical that I didn't make last night and I regret going. The show was amazing and the dancing was wonderful and it just reminds me that I'm missing out. And every single day all the people in musical do is talk and talk and TALK about it and how much fun it is. There's posters all over the school and t shirts for the musical that are mocking me. Telling me how I'm not good enough and I can't be a part of it.
It probably seems like a stupid and worthless dream to all of you, but no one could ever understand how much this means to me.
You're also probably thinking "Paige must be a suckish dancer if she can't get in a school show." No, that's not the case. The guy who creates our show and does auditions owns a preforming arts school and is EVIL. It's not like it's an innocent choir teacher or the drama club putting it on. In my school the musical is like a serious business to that man. That evil, dream crushing man favors the kids who go to his preforming arts school and gives them all the lead roles.
And I mean I can dance, I'm not the greatest but I'm defiantly not the worst. I can do the moves easily, but the thing is, they teach us the combination for the audition in literally 15 minutes, maybe less. And we're expected to remember that perfectly! That's my biggest problem, I can't commit a dance to memory that quickly. The next day, I remember the combination PERFECTLY. Just my luck.
This is a long post, and if you're still reading this, I applaud you.
So I was looking at old Inkpopper of the Week interviews and saw fellow Marisa's @ http://www.thewritingdancer.blogspot.com/ . And I saw this-
Marisa: "Don’t give up on your dreams – ever. Life happens, and sometimes it sucks. But if you give up on your dream, that one thing that drives you, then what?"
Whatever your dream or biggest goal is, join me. Whether you want to go to the moon, find a cure for cancer, get a pet dog, sing on broadway, have your own tv show, find courage to ask out your crush, eat a food you hate, or even to finish writing your own book, ANYTHING!
"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' "
I ACTUALLY MADE A BUTTON, BY MYSELF! Thanks for that tutorial on your blog Qui!!! That's what helped me do it!
The button is on the side of my blog over there, so if you want to join my pact Catching Fireflies and show that you'll never give up, put the button on your blog and leave a comment! If you read this whole thing, thank you.
***Update! Members of the pact so far! Me, Jedi-Chick, Converse, Bailey,Hana C, Endor, Future Jedi Girl, and Munch!