Saturday, May 7, 2011

Catching Fireflies.

You'll understand the title of this post if you keep reading.
Not giving up. I have a real problem with that I've just been down lately. I'm finding it hard to hold on to hope that things will get better.

I have a dream. A dream for my high school years anyway. This dream has been stripped away from me for two years now, and I'm friggin sick of it. I know I have the talent to achieve this dream somewhere inside me, I just need to work harder and stop getting so nervous.

I might as well just tell you guys what my dream is since I'm gunna be rambling about it anyway. I want to be a featured dancer in our school's musicals.

Want is a huge understatement. Want doesn't even come close to how badly I.... hmm what word do I use other than want??..REALLY want this. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. I think about it every single day and I've actually dreamt about it multiple times. I want to have the opportunity of dancing on stage with all my school friends for the crowd and have the satisfaction of actually being in something that huge and important. I want to preform.

I remember the day I found out I didn't make it and I had tears coming down my face in class. It was the day of our midterms and I couldn't concentrate at all. I just left the class. I was that upset. Tears are coming to my eyes thinking of this day right now. AKA- the worst day ever.

Then in a different class my friend noticed I was upset and I told her why and her response was-

"Well, everyone wants to be in it...."

I wanted to slap her. I know for a fact no one wanted this more than me, and she acted like its no big deal.

That whole day was just like a big punch in the face. I take that back, the last two years were like a big punch in the face. People wonder why I hate school, well this is one the main reasons.

I went to see the musical that I didn't make last night and I regret going. The show was amazing and the dancing was wonderful and it just reminds me that I'm missing out. And every single day all the people in musical do is talk and talk and TALK about it and how much fun it is. There's posters all over the school and t shirts for the musical that are mocking me. Telling me how I'm not good enough and I can't be a part of it.

It probably seems like a stupid and worthless dream to all of you, but no one could ever understand how much this means to me.

You're also probably thinking "Paige must be a suckish dancer if she can't get in a school show." No, that's not the case. The guy who creates our show and does auditions owns a preforming arts school and is EVIL. It's not like it's an innocent choir teacher or the drama club putting it on. In my school the musical is like a serious business to that man. That evil, dream crushing man favors the kids who go to his preforming arts school and gives them all the lead roles.

And I mean I can dance, I'm not the greatest but I'm defiantly not the worst. I can do the moves easily, but the thing is, they teach us the combination for the audition in literally 15 minutes, maybe less. And we're expected to remember that perfectly! That's my biggest problem, I can't commit a dance to memory that quickly. The next day, I remember the combination PERFECTLY. Just my luck.

This is a long post, and if you're still reading this, I applaud you.

So I was looking at old Inkpopper of the Week interviews and saw fellow Marisa's @ . And I saw this-

★ Is there any particular message you are trying to get across to those who read Dancing Through Life? If so, what is it and why?

Marisa: "Don’t give up on your dreams – ever. Life happens, and sometimes it sucks. But if you give up on your dream, that one thing that drives you, then what?"

All I can say is, thank you, Marisa. Even though you weren't saying it to me, I needed that. This dream drives me to keep going. I have until January 2012 to work towards this dream.

Now is where you guys come in.

Do you have a dream? Do you want it more than anything in the world? Are you having trouble reaching it? Then join me in my new pact to never give up on your dreams.It's called Catching Fireflies. Catching little fireflies are hard, but if you try, you'll catch them eventually. Fireflies are just like dreams, you have to work hard if you really want them.

Whatever your dream or biggest goal is, join me. Whether you want to go to the moon, find a cure for cancer, get a pet dog, sing on broadway, have your own tv show, find courage to ask out your crush, eat a food you hate, or even to finish writing your own book, ANYTHING!

"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' "

I ACTUALLY MADE A BUTTON, BY MYSELF! Thanks for that tutorial on your blog Qui!!! That's what helped me do it!
The button is on the side of my blog over there, so if you want to join my pact Catching Fireflies and show that you'll never give up, put the button on your blog and leave a comment! If you read this whole thing, thank you.

***Update! Members of the pact so far! Me, Jedi-Chick, Converse, Bailey,Hana C, Endor, Future Jedi Girl, and Munch!


Converse said...

I applaud you Paige! You are probably an AMAZING dancer, and it just sad that the stupid performing arts teacher doesn't know Potential when he see's it. IF YOU DON'T GET IN IM GOING TO SUE HIM. You deserve to be in there more than anyone. Your an inspiration to me, now, because this is probably the most beautiful blog post I have ever read *tear*

I have a dream too. To go to Stanford University and become a singer that doesnt get killed from the paparazzi. I wish our school had musicals then I could be in it too.


Thanks Paige! And NEVER GIVE UP! If he doesn't put you in ever, heres the plan:

Go to a Pro Performing arts college and become top of the class. Then become a dance teacher. Finally, Go get a job at your school as the musical director and get him fired! Then you can rub how good you are in his face :)

Jedi~Chick said...

*hugs* Paige, do not EVER give up. Catching Fireflies is such a wonderful thing. ;) I'm joining. :)

I felt like you did. Several times. I go to a very, VERY competative orchestra. I played violin for EIGHT YEARS and for three years in a row that I auditioned, I couldn't get out of the 'baby orchestra' for the life of me. I was SO frustrated. I cried each time I got the letter because it said the same thing. Basically, it told me that i made progress, but I could still learn from the orchestra I'm in and will be there the next year. To me, that came out as "You suck and will suck so get over it and your stuck where you are. Oh and by the way, we don't like you because we put all your friends ahead but not you. So ha." :P
This year, two months before the audition, I worked extra hard. I went to private lessons with the BEST teacher int he business. I also auditioned on a new instrument this year. The viola. Now, thanks to my teacher, lots of hard work, and prayers, I'm moving up to the next orchestra. :)
Dreams do come true. You'll get there. Don't give up. It totally ticks me off when people favor certain people over others. It's like they don't even give you a chance. ;( But, keep with it. Work hard in your normal dance class, and then when the 15 minutes comes to learn it, pay SUPER close attention, and then go over it as much as possible. For me, it helps to remember the steps in counts or to the words of the music. ;) I hope this helps. I read the whole thing, and you have a way with words my friend. Great post.

Love you!
Jedi~Chick <33
P.S. I'm taking the button. ;) Great work! I made one with Qui's tutorial too!

Paige said...

@ Converse-
Thanks so much!I'm glad you thought it was beautiful! Trust me, I wish I could sue him. if he only knew the talent I have but HES AN IDIOT SO HE DOESN'T. Haha
I know you'll make it into Stamford, and when you're famous one day I'll be like AHH SHE WAS A FOLLOWER OF MY BLOG BACK IN THE DAY! lol
And nice plan :p that made me laugh. Like HA IN YOUR FACE. He'll probably be dead before then though. This man is old and cruel. Thanks for taking the button!

Thanks so much Jedi! I'm glad to have awesome followers like you!
And aw :( At least I know I'm not the only one feeling like this. I bet you're amazing, I can't play music if my life depended on it haha! I just dance to it :p Thats exactly how I felt when I saw the cast list for the musical and my name wasn't on it. Literally like "We put all your dance friends in but you can't be in because you suck." I'm so happy you made your orchestra and that inspires me! I'm going to practice my singing and dancing a lot harder over the summer and improve for January!
It makes me so mad when people are favored :( And the evil man literally came into auditions and told everyone "Those kids are going to get the good roles because they were prepared and sounded great!" Like we were prepared too, we just don't go to your school!
Thanks Jedi, Love you too! :)

Anonymous said...

*smiles* It's good that you're still fighting for your dream. Things we don't like do happen all the time, but it's up to us to get up, brush it off, and keep moving. After all, "Life is about falling down, living is about getting back up." Good luck, Paige!

I have a few dreams. One is to finish a book, get published, and have people actually read and like my book.
Another is to do the best I can in band, where I play the flute.
Those are my two main dreams =)

And I am certainly joining =D

Endor said...

I'll be joining you in Catching Fireflies! My dreams are simple and may seem silly to some. I just want to go to a good university and learn some theatre, so I can work with the A.D. Players and then I just want to get married.

I KNOW you will make it into a school musical. That guy is just not playing fair by favoring the kids who go to his school. Just keep working (like I know you will!) and show them all who DESERVES a chance.

Munch said...

I wish you the best of luck, Paige! You definitely deserve to be in the musical and it is totally not fair that you didn't make it in. Just keep trying! You're sure to get in :)
And can I join? I know Converse probably already put the banner on our blog, but I would love to join!
My dream is to dance with ABT (American Ballet Theatre) or PNB (Pacific Northwest Ballet) professionally. I have always wanted to dance professionally and I plan on getting my dream!
And I think it's really cool that you're starting Catching Fireflies. It really is a great idea!

Anonymous said...

I will join! I need to start writing the story that has been in my head for years!
Also, I feel bad that you didn't make it. Keep trying!

Paige said...

Thank you guys! You all help me to keep trying and not give up :) Thank you for the inspiring comments! I love you all! I could never ask for better followers!
All of your dreams are great and I know if we all work hard enough we can achieve them! You are all now in Catching Fireflies :)

Thank you for all having faith in me, that gives me hope :)

Momma Too Many said...

My dream. My one dream. The one dream that nobody knows about? To forget.

To forget all of what happened such a long time ago. All the stress, all the hatred, all the lies and all the images. Everything.