I had to post today.

Today, 10-11-12, is a very important day.
Yeah, I know that it's 10-11-12, that's pretty cool right?
But for me it's even cooler.
Because today marks two years since I've started this blog.
I'll be doing a better post about this tomorrow.
Until then, I love and appreciate all of you here on Blogger so much. Thanks for making the last two years of my life amazing.

A New Chapter

Today is 8-28.
The title of this blog.
And just like that, I'm another year older.
I graduate on June 6th, 2013.

I started my senior year today. And honestly it's really hard to believe. It's my last first day of school, well, regular school anyway.
I'm still in shock that I'm even 17. I started this blog right after I turned 15.
I have my driver's license now and have a car that is sorta kinda mine.
I'll be applying to colleges in the next few weeks.
I'm happy I'm growing up, but I'm sad at the same time too.

The past year was really life changing for a ton of reasons. I'm still dealing with things with different people. I'm not proud of the way I'm acting. I'm becoming someone I never wanted to be. But I'm too scared to hurt people to change it.

I think high school is just a huge learning experience. It ruins you, but in a good way I think. I'm a lot different and more tough than I was when I walked through that door as a freshman. I think if I looked at myself now from those innocent freshman eyes of mine, I wouldn't even know myself.

It's scary how fast people can change. But in high school, you have to change to survive.

My old friends who I still speak to today even noticed it. They said I'm not as nice to people as I used to be and I don't let people walk all over me anymore. Which is good. But scary, too.

I think I finally found who I am as a person. I'm just having a hard time accepting it.
So a new chapter began today. If it's anything like the last chapter, it should be a huge roller coaster.

I realized a lot about friends. I realized there are people there for me and people who care about me, even if it doesn't seem like it a lot of times.
My confidence has grown some. Which has taken years to do. So I'm proud.

I wanted to post this summer but I really just didn't know what to post about, to be honest. No one really cares about this blog, so these upcoming posts will be more for my emotional sake. But if you care enough to read them, then that's great. Go crazy.

I hope the new chapter's of your lives will go great. Happy new school year to everyone.

If you're having a tough time, I promise you, it will get better. I know from experience.

Bittersweet

This post is going to sound pretty weird, but maybe some of you will get what I mean.

Have any of you ever had a time in your life where you just KNOW you've changed from months/ years past? You take a closer look at some of the things you've said and done, and it shocks you. 

Because you would have never done it months/years before.

Well, I've just had that experience. 

Before this year, I really let people treat me however they wanted to treat me. I let them walk all over me and say whatever they wanted. I never said anything or fought back.

Why?

Because I was afraid. I was too nice to hurt anyone else's feelings even if they hurt mine time and time again. 

I really didn't know how to stand up for myself because I never really had to before. 

I was so innocent. 

Then 8th and 9th grade happened. Those two years were hell. Why? Because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. At all. 

Those two years really hardened me. 

I hadn't realized it just yet though. 

10th grade was really uneventful actually. 

Then this year happened, and if you've been a follower of mine for a while, you know it was an... interesting I'll call it, year for me. 

That pain of "yesterday," or really a year before, really turned into strength. I wasn't afraid anymore. 

I didn't care so much about hurting the people who hurt me anymore. 

I mean, why should I? He didn't give a crap when he tore my heart out. 

Neither did she back then.

So why the heck am I caring so much when no one else does?

Now the time came when I needed to fight back for myself, and I finally did.

Looking back at some of the things I've said (earlier this week specifically) to this person, I was pretty proud of myself at first. I had actually done it. Finally, I had won a fight. 

It felt so amazing. 

It still does feel amazing.

But, then after a few days, the person who I had to fight back against told me that I was right. 

He told me so many lies this year. So many. And it hurts so much. So, I told him the truth because I was sick of being the only one who was hurt. 

He realized himself that the truth I told him was actually true, and told me about it. 

And now, it doesn't feel so amazing anymore. 

He was cruel to me. I didn't intend to be cruel back but it just.. happened. I couldn't sit here and be walked all over anymore.
I'd already done that once.
Not again. Never.
I know he didn't think twice when he said the horrible things he said to me. He could care less how I feel.
So, why do I feel bad?
Maybe it's the fact that he told me I was right. Maybe it's the fact that I loved him once and still have a small soft spot. Or maybe I just am not as hard as I thought I was, and still care about hurting people who hurt me.

It's bittersweet.
Because when I look back at my 13 and 14 year old self, I would have NEVER had the courage to say the things I said. I would have just taken it.
I was weak. Helpless.
And now, in a similar situation, I decided I couldn't be the weak and helpless one. I needed to stick up for myself.
And I did, and it feels great,  but bad at the same time.
I feel like I've turned into a horrible person.

My friends even noticed the change from then and now.
My one friend who's known me since 7th grade (12 years old) said that I was the nicest person she ever met and couldn't fathom how the heck I was so nice to everyone, even the jerks, and just took everyone's shit.
And now she says that I'm not the same anymore. I'm still nice to people, but I don't take anyone's shit anymore. I stick up for myself and say what needs to be said. I don't let people walk all over me anymore.

It's satisfying to hear, and scary.
I never really intended to turn into a mean person. I don't think I'm mean but I definitely am when I have to be.
And it kinda scares me how mean I can be when I need to.
I'd never be mean for no reason, I always have a reason.
But it still scares me that I'm capable of that when I wasn't just a few years ago.

They say high school ruins you. I don't know if my high school experience has ruined me, or created me.
I like to think it's the ladder.

Sorry I haven't been posting a lot. I just really haven't known what to post. I would do book reviews but they just seem like a chore to me now. You guys can always check my Goodreads. I still do mini reviews on there. 

Hopefully I'll think of more things to say soon. 

Also, let me know if you can see this post/ blog. I've been having some issues. 

SYTYCD Season 9, it's about time!

If you have been following my blog for a while, or read my about me page, you know my favorite show of all time history is So You Think You Can Dance.

Many of you know that I am a competitive dancer, and this show is just like a cup of tea for me! Seriously, this show is a huge part of my life. I basically count down the days until it comes on again. This week it won't be on because of 4th of July! UGH. 

It's been a long year, and I'm so happy that SYTYCD Season 9 is finally here! 

The auditions kind of bore me. Because, you don't get to see the amazingly talented Top 20 perform stunning routines by the show's fabulous choreographers!

I mean seriously, the people who make up their dances are INCREDIBLE! If you watch the show, my favorite is definitely Sonya Tayeh, followed by Travis Wall and Stacey Tookey. Mia Michaels is pretty amazing too. 

The Top 20 is truly fantastic this year. My heart will forever be with Season 8's Top 20 because that is the year I became a true fan. I've watched some of past seasons, but Season 8 was really where I became addicted. 

But, I must admit, I'm really looking forward to this season. It's a great mix of some awesome dancers. I don't really like ballroom dancing, but I love the two ballroom girls who made the top 20, Lindsay and Whitney! 

There's always the typical contemporary and jazz dancers, which I love dearly. But this year, there's a guy who is Jazz/ marital arts! Isn't that cool? His name is Cole! 

But, like with every show, I do have my favorites, and here they are-

Audrey Case. She is definitely first in line for me. Her personality really won me over in the auditions. She is so adorable! And on top of a great personality, check out her amazing jazz skills! 

Yay neck farting and licking elbows! She is so cute! 

My next favorite is-

Alexa Anderson. I loved her last season too, and I was so sad when she didn't make it into the Top 20 with my other favorite, Ryan. This girl is just outstanding and beautiful, here, look at her!



Those are my top two favorite girls. But, I do like some others. Such as Whitney Carson and Lindsay Arnold, the two best friend ballroom dancers of the group.
The other girls, I'm not too crazy about at all. A few of them are very, very cocky which is so unnatractive to me and some of them are trying too hard. Janelle, Janaya, and Amber are okay. But Tiffany, Amelia, and Eliana, I cannot stand them at all. They need to go home and humble themselves.
Especially Eliana. God. I cannot stand that girl. She's a conceited brat.

The girls are fierce this year. I know if the show was not doing favorite guy and girl this time, a girl would definitely win.
But, there are a few of the boys I like. I don't feel as attached as I did last year though.

The first guy that I've liked since auditions for his unique style of dance and determination is-

Cyrus "Glitch" Spencer. He has no formal dance training, I don't think, and tried out with like two of his friends and they both didn't make it through Vegas Week. But Cyrus did, and he never gave up. I mean look at this guy, he's so cool!

My next favorite guy is-

Cole Horibe! This guy is also very unique! Check this shmexy dude out-

Aren't they amazing? The only other guys I even know the names of and sorta kinda care about are Will Thomas and Daniel Baker. The rest of them.. they don't really stick out to me at all. 

Okay, now for the best part, check out these STUNNING routines! I keep watching them over and over again, I can't get enough! 

This first one, a Sonya Tayeh routine, featuring my favorite dancer, Audrey, is one of my favorites of all time! This is one of my favorite songs too!

This one is just pure beauty. These top 10 girls are fierce. This is chorepgrpahed by the amazing Travis Wall!

This one is totally mesmerizing! My two favorites, Alexa and Will are in this!

The top 20. Mia Michaels. Just. Breathtaking. 

These dances just bring me to tears sometimes because they are so beautiful. This show inspires me to become a better dancer and improve myself all around. I love watching this show so much, it's just so inspirational and wonderful.

Do you watch the show? Who are your favorites? What are your favorite routines? Choreographers? 

Let me know in the comments!

And if you don't watch this show... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? It comes on Wednesdays at 8 on FOX! (Except not this Wednesday, GRR.) 

The Writer In You Blog Hop! (#2)

The Blog Hop!

Start by adding your name to the list of blogs at the bottom of this page. Then comment on this page letting me know you've joined us!

Then write a post of your own answering the question of that week and link it back to this page; we want as many people as possible to join!

Then: start hopping! Visit as many or as few blogs as you like and be sure to leave a comment on their posts letting them know you stopped by.

The Rules!

There are only 5 rules to this blog hop:

1. Follow me, your blog hop host! Then come back every Saturday for the week's question.

2. Be consistent: Don't forget to post your answer on Saturdays! It gives fellow WIY visitors something to comment on!

3. Grab the blog hop button below and post it on your blog; spread the word!
4. Post a link to your blog hop post on the linky-list below every week!
5. Visit other hoppers blogs! The whole point is to meet other writers and for everyone to gain a few followers:)

And this week's question is....

What is your favorite classic novel and is there anything in particular you take from it that you hope to see in your own writing?

Well. I have two favorites. And I simply cannot choose which one I like better.

I read The Great Gatsby for 11th grade English. I had heard it was good, but extremely detailed. That was from regular students though.

I thought this book was extremely FANTASTIC. 

I kept wanting to read ahead of everyone else because I couldn't wait to figure out what happened. But then if I read ahead I was screwed on chapter quizzes, so I couldn't. 

This book was just... wow. The whole plot was spectacular. I enjoyed every second of it. I loved all the characters, and hated the ones I was supposed to hate. 

I love Gatsby! *wipes away tears*

The symbolism in this book was what I think I really loved the most. I hope to have that kind of amazing symbolism in my writing some day.

The writing in this book was also just simply beautiful. I hope to be able to write that well some day. 

I highly recommend this book to mature teenagers and up. 

THE NEW MOVIE IS COMING OUT ON CHRISTMAS! I CANNOT WAIT! WITH LEONARDO DECAPRIO AS GATSBY! EEEEEKKKK!

GAHHHHHHHHH!

My other favorite classic is none other than...

I read To Kill A Mockingbird for 10th grade English. 

I actually reviewed it here 

The writing and narration in this was fabulous. I loved Scout as a narrator. All of the characters were very well developed and I loved and hated the ones I was supposed to. 

The whole plot of this... it's like a symbol. The symbolism in this book is even more powerful than that of The Great Gatsby. 

There was seriously nothing I disliked about this book. In the beginning, it is kind of boring, but then after you finish you're like THAT WAS SUCH A CLEVER WAY TO START! 

Once again, I hope to have symbols as great as these in my writing some day. 

This is a book everyone needs to read. In or out of school. It teaches you life lessons. 

I recommend this to mature teenagers and up.

I'm trying to read some other classics this summer on my own, such as Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, and Wuthering Heights. 

I've read some other classics, such as The Scarlet Letter, The Crucible, The Old Man and the Sea, Romeo and Juliet, Julius Caesar, Shane, Animal Farm, The Secret Garden, A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Pearl,  Of Mice and Men, and some others that I'm not completely sure are classics...

I hope I can read those other three classics by the end of the summer! Have any of you guys read them? What are your thoughts?